Traveler's Review: Swaziland

I've just made it back to the blog after a stint away in the semi-tropical forests of Swaziland. Here's what I thought of the place.

Legends Backpacker Hostel: When I first got there, all I saw was a shebeen and a tiny courtyard walled in on all sides -- but with no gate. (A shebeen is an illegal bar, usually run and patronised by Zulus out in the boonies.) Not very encouraging. Then they charged me R90 for each of the three nights I was staying there. This was my boudoir for half a week:


No, I wasn't impressed either.

By the way, that guy painted on the bed above mine? His name is Leni, and supposedly he's a lidloti (a spirit) that haunts the place — and infuses travelers with the spirit of adventure. There are a bunch of references to him around the building, with signs, but that's as far as Leni goes. I never got infused with anything except small-town boredom.

When I walked into the bathroom, I was greeted by the shittiest shower I've ever seen. The showerhead was immovable, and it actually sprayed directly onto the bathroom floor if you turned it on with the door open. The bath's apparatus was, if anything, more intimidating, not unlike finding a snake in the tub:



I met some good people there, but guys: R90 is what you pay for a posh, upscale hostel. I'm paying R100 for my hostel in Cape Town, and it's located in a central and upscale part of the city, it's got duvets and towels included every night, daily cleaning, a cheap cafe and bar downstairs, the works. This was not worth it.

To top it all off, it is right next to a small tourist complex with an overpriced cafe, a few knickknack shops, and a tour service with a monopoly on anything remotely fun. They've got rafting, hippo watching, a few full-day safaris. I hear the big stuff is pretty nice, but I wouldn't know. All I did was rent a mountain bike and go biking through a game park. The bike's seat wouldn't stay clamped, and my butt continually slid down until my knees hit my chest as I pedaled.

Final Review: Shitty building, maintenance, location and vibe. Overall, nothing much. I heard from a Dutch girl I kept meeting on the Baz Bus that she had stayed in a place called Sondzela Backpackers, and it was quite nice. They offer horseback and vehicle safaris, nightly braais, good accomodations — if I was to go back that is where I would stay.

Are You Local?

"So are you local, or SA? Mozambique?"

I started babbling mid-question because I knew what the answer would be, and I didn't really want to hear it.

"Local." Thoba said it with a long-suffering grin. He twisted off the bottlecap on a Foundry Cider and slid it across the bar. "But my dream is to go to the States. Get a good job, make some money —" another grin, this time more Oceans Eleven " — change it into rand. I come back and I'll be driving a BMW."

Thoba is a bigger man than most Swazis I've met in the town of Mbabane. He dresses in striped sweaters when he tends bar. His bar, though, is too small to hold his bulk most nights: when I met him, he'd barely handed out beers before he invited a Finnish friend and I to a game of pool. He's showed me the town the last two nights I've been here. We've talked trash, rugby, travel, politics, and women*. But his personal story, his dream for the future, is something we both steered away from after that first conversation. It makes him uncomfortable, I think, because his dream is not dissimilar from my life. Or maybe it's me: it makes me uncomfortable because I've heard that dream from almost everyone I've talked to. If I had a rand for everyone who's told me they'll go to America someday, I'd quit school, move to SA and bribe Oxford for an honorary diploma to hang in my new Dutch mansion.

The conversation, at its most direct, runs something like this:

"Uhlala eStates? When are you going back?"
"Going back? Sometime in May, I guess."
"You should take me with you."

This is what people say word-for-word, often as not. All the most enterprising people I've met in Africa just want to get out.

It's depressing, mostly. I don't know how to react to it. What do you tell someone? Words of encouragement are hard to muster, and it's not something you can brush off. They know full well how great the place is just from seeing you. Some people bring up their country's problems, as if to make the point that life is hard there too. What American problems are you going to talk about, though? Obesity? Affirmative action?

When I'm sitting outside an ancestor house with malnourished village kids while my boss tells their sick grandmother how to take her tuberculosis tablets, I know that I'm not the one with problems.

The Road to Swaziland Epic, Part Three

Note: I have pictures of the wildcat reserve, but my net connection is too shaky to add them. I'll add them later in a new post. In the meantime, make sure to read Parts One and Two of this travel story, below!

4/21/08

Morning: The baz bus is one hour late. I hope it shows, because I don't want to spend another night here.

It won't stop raining — it's been drizzling nonstop, and it's cold to the point that my washing is still wet. Had to beg a nausea pill off the hostelkeepers. Despite my stomach's best attempts, I didn't manage to vomit properly this morning, and I'm not interested in succeeding on the bus.

Evening: Arrived at the hostel. Still raining. Feeling less nauseous except when I try to eat. Accidentally left my laundry on the bus, and I only realized it when I gathered up my dirty clothes for the laundry services. Oops. Can't say this hasn't happened before, but now I don't know the person I left it with; no chance of getting anything back.

So — I'm down to three shirts, two boxers, one pair of shorts, and a couple of impractical, dressy outfits. (And more socks than I'll ever need -- I could give them away like tourists give away candies.) This ought to last me approximately three days if I stretch my wardrobe; that's just enough time to pick up some pants in Swaziland and make do.

4/22/08

There's a minute lizard scampering past my bare feet. His steps look just like involuntary twitches, so I feel like I'm watching him have an epileptic fit from one end of the sundeck to the other. He's one of my few entertainments in this nearly-deserted hostel.

Last night was easier than I expected — I just stole a few extra blankets from empty beds. The dorm was empty of guests except for me and a dude from Mexico, so there were plenty to go around. Still not 100%, but I'm thinking and talking more clearly. Good signs. And this morning the rain stopped and the sun winked to life.

Yesterday, as planned, I arrived at the Isinkwe Backpacker's Bush Camp near the local Hluhluwe Game Reserve. Isinkwe is a lot more comfortable when it's sunny and dry. The swimming pool is usable, you can braai your own food on the communal grill, and the dorms and showers, lacking in insulation or walls as they are, feel quite comfortable. It clouded over for a few minutes, so I'm writing from my room right now, in fact:

There's a bar by the cafeteria, though I wouldn't call it full — I'm confident I could count their bottles on my fingers and toes. Regardless, I'm still sick, so I'm ordering fantas only (which are delicious in this country).

My roommate — a Mexican fellow named Paco — and I went to see the wildcat reserve at their evening feeding time. We both had the same problem: we'd arrived too late for any of the big game safaris, so we had a long stay at the hostel with nothing to do. The wildcat reserve was as far as we went, but we managed to see a couple of amazing creatures.

Sadly, I think that will be it for game parks here at Hluhluwe. I'd rather save my money for sharkdiving in Cape Town. But there are still plenty of opportunities for excitement in Swaziland, so stay tuned! I can't promise on a day-by-day update because Africa is thin on net cafes. I'll let you know as soon as I can, though, just what a tiny African dictatorship looks like.

The Road to Swaziland Epic, Part Two

4/20/08

Arrived in Durban Sunday afternoon around 4. Found myself with nothing to do: it was the perfect time to find a club, and I had the number for a jazz venue from my last trip to the city, but it was a Sunday. I tried to call the number anyway, in case it was the kind of Westerner-catering club that's open on a Sunday, but an automated voice told me it was disconnected. So that left me back at square one.

Finally decided I was spending my evening out no matter what. Remember that casino from my last trip to Durban? I grabbed a shuttle there and grabbed a curry from a little Indian place. If I wasn't going to experience the city that night, I was damn well going to experience its cuisine!

Fell sick that night. Had the chills and shivered all night, and finally had to pull my coat over me; later, got too hot and sweated into it in my sleep. Had a bad bout of sleep paralysis, which hasn't happened since I was a little kid. The way my parents tell it, I used to wake up screaming when I was three or so, and it'd take almost an hour to calm me down.

This time wasn't so drawn-out, but for some drawn-out time I was awake and convinced something was sitting on me, grappling my arms and pummeling my chest. I finally remembered that the way to stop sleep paralysis is to try and scream, so I yelled —and like I'd flipped a switch, the dorm was dark and empty except for my roommates. My big worries returned to my stomach and spinning head.

My only consolation was that it was 4/20. Odds were some of my Evergreen schoolmates would have even worse nights.

The Road to Swaziland Epic, Part One

Sunday: rain came about an hour before I left behind Winterton, the Drakensberg Mountains, and Sofi's farm that sat between them. I was sitting in the local Zulu church. A visiting pastor was giving a sermon; the main point seemed to be that if you supported the church his God-granted power would cure you of AIDS. The storm showed up as he was speaking and as his voice rose, so did the rain. Soon you would have thought it was hail, though it was just drops — the biggest drops I've ever seen.

I had washing on the line that I'd done by hand at six in the morning, hoping that the early sun would dry it some before I left. It was soaking when I packed it. It still is now; I just managed to hang it on a covered clothesline when I got into my family-run hostel. Now I'm attempting to dry out.

There's really not much else to tell. A couple days before I left we blessed a couple of creches; it felt very odd to be standing in a preschool building that would be condemned back home, while
the others sung and shook their hands and prayed. They just don't use faith for this kind of thing where I come from.

I said goodbye to everybody I'd met in the Berg. I wanted to get a gift or two for Sofi and Betsy, my hosts (and very gracious ones), but all the shops were closed on Sunday. I'll have to send pictures instead. I wonder how easy I could send prints back to SA?

By the way, so you can track my progress more easily, here is the outline of how my last two weeks in Africa will go. My internship is over; I'm on my own. I doubt everything will work out as scheduled, because it's Africa, but it will be a great trip anyway.

The Gameplan:

4/20: Hitch Baz Bus on the first leg of my Swaziland Trip! Arrive in Durban around 6:00 PM. Party or something. Get to bed - bus leaves early next morning.

4/21-22: Get up early and grab the bus out again. Spend two days in Isinkwe Backpackers near the Hluhluwe Game Reserve. Try to see the Big 5 of African animals.

23-25 Apr: Another Baz Bus ride. Heading for SWAZILAND! Just like South Africa, except that everyone tells you it's what Africa is really like. Travelling out of KwaZulu-Natal, whose biggest music festival is American country-genred, I'm hoping it will prove true.

26: Grab Baz Bus once again and ride it into the sunrise, etc. Destination: Johannesburg. Spend the day working on my research paper and the night socializing.

27: Grab a flight to Cape Town. The place where things happen:

Final week: Finish work. Write something for Evergreen's campus newspaper, maybe. Other plans include a hike to the summit of Table Mountain and the Cape of Good Hope, where the Indian and Atlantic Oceans meet. Many big-city adventures in between.

4 May: Plane back to Seattle and the luxuries of home. Must get tattoo before this date so everyone knows that I've undergone X Y and Z life-changing overseas experiences.